Not this thought.
Saturday, July 26, 2003
Tonight was wierd. So very wierd. My ex was acting really wierd. She got chatted up by one guy. I dont know whats going on between them. They've probably fucked for all I know, these days. Either that or they really wanna fuck. I can deal with that. That'd be all ok. She was fine when she was talking to him. But then I'm talking to hot-cute-taken girl, and she's (ex) milling around. At one point I thought she was approaching to talk to us. Me, hot-cute-taken girl, and ex. But then just avoids eye contact and wanders to the side. And then from that moment on, the rest of the night, shes all acting wierd. Silent. It felt wierd. I think I handled it really well.
I wish I could talk to her like I used to. I wish I could hold her whenever and wherever, like I used to. I wished she longed to be with me, like she used to. It sux that I still long. Its all so fucked now. Where is that thing that we had. We had it. True love. For sure. Its not here. Its not now. It was there. It was then. How did I know how careful you had to be with true love? I thought it would last through anything. Everything would be alright because she loved me. So I thought rough times wouldn't shake us.
But she couldn't weather the storm. Love can die. And its not love if only one loves. It needs to be both.
So what can I do?
I think I'll work, sleep and dream. And one day I will die. Kinda puts things in perspective.
Friday, July 25, 2003
The world is alive. And thriving. Right now, whatever moment it is, somewhere in the world, something exciting is happening.
But it all passes me by. From here there is only constant. Nothing exciting. But thats okay. Its okay.
